Prevention
» Step 1: Learn the Facts
» Step 2: Minimize Opportunity
» Step 3: Talk About It
» Step 4: Stay Alert
» Step 5: Make a Plan
» Step 6: Act on Suspicions
» Step 7: Get Involved
Step 1: Learn the Facts
Learn the facts and understand the risks. Realities not trust should influence your decisions regarding children.
- 1 in 3 girls will experience an unwanted sexual act.
- 1 in 6 boys will experience an unwanted sexual act.
- 95% of child sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator.
Definition of Unwanted Sexual Act: Experienced an unwanted sexual act including being exposed to or being forced to expose; being threatened or touched; attempted assault/assaulted.
(Source: Child Sexual Abuse (The Canadian Badgley Royal Commission, Report on Sexual Offences Against Children and Youths), released 1988)
All statistics have been validated by City of Edmonton Public Library Smart Search and Banister Research and Consulting.
Step 2: Minimize Opportunity
If you eliminate or reduce one-adult/one-child situations, you'll dramatically lower the risk of sexual abuse for children.
"An organization in my community has programs for children, but puts no limits on one-adult/one-child situations. Should I be concerned?"
Reduce the risk. Protect children.
- Understand that abusers often become friendly with potential victims and their families, enjoying family activities, earning trust, and gaining time alone with children.
- Think carefully about the safety of any one-adult/one-child situations. Choose group situations when possible.
- Think carefully about the safety of situations in which older youth have access to younger children. Make sure that multiple adults are present who can supervise.
- Set an example by personally avoiding one-adult/one-child situations with children other than your own.
- Monitor children's Internet use. Offenders use the Internet to lure children into physical contact.
Reduce the risk. Insist on policy.
- Talk with program administrators about the supervision of older youth who have responsibility for the care of children.
- Insist on screenings that include criminal background checks, personal interviews, and professional recommendations for all adults who serve children. Avoid programs that do not use ALL of these methods.
- Insist that youth-serving organizations train their staff and volunteers to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to child sexual abuse.
- Ensure that youth-serving organizations have policies for dealing with suspicious situations and reports of abuse.
One-on-one time with a trusted adult is healthy and valuable for a child. It builds self-esteem and deepens relationships. There are things you can do to protect children when you want them to have time alone with another adult.
- Drop in unexpectedly when the child is alone with any adult, even trusted family members.
- Make sure outings are observable, if not by you, then by others.
- Ask the adult about the specifics of the planned activities before the child leaves your care. Notice the adult's ability to be specific.
- Talk with the child when he or she returns. Notice the child's mood and whether the child can tell you with confidence how the time was spent.
- Find a way to tell the adults who care for children that you and the child are educated about child sexual abuse. Be that direct.
Step 3: Talk About It
Children often keep abuse a secret, but barriers can be broken down by talking openly about it.
My daughter tells me everything. I know she would tell me if someone molested her.
Understand why children are afraid to "tell."
- The abuser shames the child, points out that the child let it happen, or tells the child that his or her parents will be angry.
- The abuser is often manipulative and may try to confuse the child about what is right and wrong.
- The abuser sometimes threatens the child or a family member.
- Some children who do not initially disclose abuse are ashamed to tell when it happens again.
- Children are afraid of disappointing their parents and disrupting the family.
- Some children are too young to understand.
- Many abusers tell children the abuse is "okay" or a "game."
Know how children communicate.
- Children who disclose sexual abuse often tell a trusted adult other than a parent. For this reason, training for people who work with children is especially important.
- Children may tell "parts" of what happened or pretend it happened to someone else to gauge adult reaction.
- Children will often "shut down" and refuse to tell more if you respond emotionally or negatively.
Talk openly with your child.
Good communication may decrease a child's vulnerability to sexual abuse and increase the likelihood that the child will tell you if abuse has occurred.
- Teach your children about their bodies, about what abuse is, and, when age-appropriate, about sex. Teach them words that help them discuss sex comfortably with you.
- Model caring for your own body, and teach children how to care for theirs.
- Teach children that it is "against the rules" for adults to act in a sexual way with them and use examples. Teach them what parts of their bodies others should not touch.
- Be sure to mention that the abuser might be an adult friend, family member, or older youth.
- Teach children not to give out their email addresses, home addresses, or phone numbers while using the Internet.
- Start early and talk often. Use everyday opportunities to talk about sexual abuse.
- Be proactive. If a child seems uncomfortable, or resistant to being with a particular adult, ask why.
One survey showed that fewer than 30% of parents ever discussed sexual abuse with their children.
And even then, most failed to mention that the abuser might be an adult friend or family member.
Talk to other adults about child sexual abuse.
- Support and mutual learning occur when you share with another adult.
- You raise the consciousness of your community and influence their choices about child safety.
- You may be offering support and information to an adult whose child is experiencing abuse, and may not know what to do.
- You put potential abusers on notice that you are paying attention.
Step 4: Stay Alert
Don't expect obvious signs when a child is being sexually abused. Signs are often there but you've got to spot them.
"Is my son's withdrawal due to preteen angst or is he being sexually abused?"
Learn the signs.
- Physical signs of sexual abuse are not common, although redness, rashes or swelling in the genital area, urinary tract infections, or other such symptoms should be carefully investigated. Also, physical problems associated with anxiety, such as chronic stomach pain or headaches, may occur.
- Emotional or behavioral signals are more common. These can run from "too perfect" behavior, to withdrawal and depression, to unexplained anger and rebellion.
- Sexual behavior and language that are not age-appropriate can be a red flag.
- Be aware that in some children there are no signs whatsoever.
If you find physical signs that you suspect are sexual abuse, have the child physically examined immediately by a professional who specializes in child sexual abuse.
» Click here to find resources in your area
Step 5: Make a Plan
Learn where to go, whom to call, and how to react.
"My 11-year-old daughter said her step-father sneaks into her room at night. Then she said she made it up. Now she won't say anything. I don't know what to do."
Don't overreact.
If a child breaks an arm or runs a high fever, you know to stay calm and where to seek help because you've mentally prepared yourself. Reacting to child sexual abuse is the same. Your reactions have a powerful influence on vulnerable children.
When you react to disclosure with anger or disbelief, the response is often:
- The child shuts down.
- The child changes his or her story in the face of your anger and disbelief, when, in fact, abuse is actually occurring.
- The child changes the account around your questions so future tellings appear to be "coached." This can be very harmful if the case goes to court.
- The child feels even guiltier.
Very few reported incidents are false.
Offer support.Think through your response before you suspect abuse. You'll be able to respond in a more supportive manner.
- Believe the child and make sure the child knows it.
- Thank the child for telling you and praise the child's courage.
- Encourage the child to talk but don't ask leading questions about details. Asking about details can alter the child's memory of events. If you must ask questions to keep the child talking, ask open-ended ones like "what happened next?"
- Seek the help of a professional who is trained to interview the child about sexual abuse. Professional guidance could be critical to the child's healing and to any criminal prosecution.
- Assure the child that it's your responsibility to protect him or her and that you'll do all you can.
- Report or take action in all cases of suspected abuse, both inside and outside the immediate family.
- Don't panic. Sexually abused children who receive support and psychological help can and do heal.
Child sexual abuse is a crime.
Step 6: Act on Suspicions
The future well being of a child is at stake.
By acting on suspicions of child sexual abuse, you will save not only one child, but perhaps countless others.
Many of those who sexually abuse children have multiple victims.
You may be faced with a situation where you suspect abuse but don't have any proof. Suspicions are scary, but trust your instincts. Have the courage to report the suspected abuse.
What if I'm not sure? Where do I go?
These resources can help you if you are unsure of whether abuse has occurred, but they do not substitute for making an official report. Remember that you may be a mandated reporter in your state and you may be the only source of protection for that child.
Step 7: Get Involved
Volunteer and financially support organizations such as Little Warriors that fight the tragedy of child sexual abuse.
What can I do to help children in my community?
Get involved by donating your time and resources to support organizations such as these:
- Prevention programs
- Crisis information and referral services
- Sexual Assault Centres
Use your voice and your vote to make your community a safer place for children.
- Ask that schools and organizations in your community have child sexual abuse prevention policies, and help with their creation. Ask other adults to do the same.
- Bring Darkness to Light's Stewards of Children prevention program to your community.
- Support legislation that protects children. Demand that the government put more resources into protecting children from sexual abuse and into responding to reports of sexual abuse.
BREAK THE CYCLE OF SILENCE.
If child sexual abuse is part of your history, do not keep silent. By breaking the cycle of silence, you will break free from the trauma you carry within you and begin an important healing process. And you will help protect other children from suffering the way you did.
(Source: Darkness to Light)
